“Who am I?”
It’s a simple question, but one that often leads to more complex answers when asked to another person. In a recent personal story on OC87 Recovery Diaries, Morgan, a college student affected by OCD, examines how her identity as a student became a prime target for OCD, making the question of who exactly she is a harder question to answer. She writes:
That’s always what OCD does; it points an arrow at who or what you love most, and for me that was school. I was the kid who skipped through the school supply aisles. I was the kid who read a book through dinner. I love and have always loved learning. Perfect bait for OCD.
It starts as a whisper, a little hint or suggestion to repeat a behavior. “Maybe you should reread that sentence again, just in case you missed something.” So I obliged, “Fine, just this once.” Then again louder, “Maybe you should reread that paragraph because you can’t miss any information.” I gave in, “I don’t really have time, but maybe you’re right.” Once more, “Reread again, no again, NO AGAIN, until it feels just right and you REALLY KNOW you read EVERYTHING and won’t FAIL.” “OKAY! I will! Just please take the anxiety away!” Before you even realize it has happened and have the chance to stop it, OCD has grown into a raging monster that treats you like a puppet.
Luckily, Morgan’s story has a happy ending, and she’s still able to enjoy her love of learning and maintain high goals and standards for herself largely without OCD getting in her way. Discover how she learned to tackle the obstacles and challenges created by OCD in the rest of her personal story here.